Lo's Musings on Marriage

Marriage. Such a powerful word for only two syllables. You’ve probably heard it all when it comes to it. The first year of marriage has taught me more about myself and how I want to live than any other time in my life. That’s pretty special. You get to experience a relationship at a capacity at which you really don’t fully understand until you’re there, in it. And that is one of the best feelings you’ll ever know. Cross my heart. That person gets to see the best and worst parts of you, the vulnerability that it takes to be completely raw and naked is only found in grace, trust, and incomparable compassion for your partner.

You will find yourself so completely in love and dumbfounded at how your heart continues to grow. You will ask yourself “how can I love this person any more than I already do?” And then your heart will find a way, like it always does. It’s like the universe, limitless and growing. And isn’t that lucky? Call it coincidence, fate, divine intervention, happenstance, whatever you like. It all boils down to, my sappy little heart is going to explode eventually.

With all of this wonderful, delicious, amazing over-arching love, you learn some damn hard lessons too. What it truly means to be understanding, selfless, and also extraordinarily introspective. The first year of marriage especially, you’ll have your disagreements (like any year but just follow me here), all the silly sitcom-inspired ones, you know the ones I’m talking about. But, I’ve decided that taking too long to get out of the house or forgetting to turn off the space heater, isn’t really what it’s about. I mean of course, good habits and tendencies are all well but it’s really about learning how to disagree. And while these disagreements are far and few between, understanding how to engage in these with your specific partner, will be monumental. It’s about understanding what it takes to have a real disagreement with context and have it matter and resolved for both of you. And remembering that you are on the same team here, with the same goals, ultimately. You never feel right about winning alone afterword’s. If you win, I win, and if you lose, well, I lose. You find a common ground on these disagreements and the team endures. And that’s how you win. Every single time.

With all of its insane and inspiring beauty, marriage can also bring out sides of you that aren’t so lovely, but taking feedback from your partner and really thinking (here’s the part about becoming more introspective) about what it means and says about you and then applying it, will mean leaps and bounds in your marriage. That doesn’t mean you have to forfeit who you are or your stubborn and strong-willed nature but it does mean that on the important stuff, you can set that aside to make sure your being the best version of yourself for you, your partner, and your marriage. And grow together. It will mean everything. This has to work both ways and when it does, it’s magic. I’ll pinky swear to that one.

I am no expert by any means and always have more to learn but I feel so lucky to have a husband who makes this marriage thing, the best ride of my life and who stands beside of me every day, giving it his all. I suppose this is getting a little personal but why not, I always tell Cody, I want him to look back on his life with me and say “she gave me the best parts of herself”. That doesn’t mean I need to be perfect because I’m human and neither of us will be, that just is not real. It only means that we show up every day and do our best for each other. Be present and feel fully because I want to be that light that I see the people I love shine in. Always giving it my all, that’s what love has done for me and to my darling, Cody, I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.

xoxo,

your LOver and sap-extraordinaire